Love Never Dies (Grief Support)

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Love Never Dies (Grief Support)

  I was daddy's girl so when he suffered his 2nd stroke, I didn't have to think twice about having him come to live with us.  On the morning of June 6, 1998 I went to his room to find that dad had passed.  I never thought I could deal with this.  My best friend, Debbie Schutt was an anchor for me.  Imagine how hard it was when we learned she had pancreatic cancer in 2000.  She died in Oct. 2003.  Let's share a listening ear and offer of support here for others facing the same.

Location: Fort Gratiot, MI
Members: 8
Latest Activity: Feb 12, 2016

Discussion Forum

Welcome, Feel free to introduce yourselves here:)

Started by dmdifalco Apr 28, 2012. 0 Replies

    I'm a firm believer that "we get by with a little help with our friends" yet whenever I lost a loved one...I isolated myself (which now I know is the worse thing to do).  Part of the reason I…Continue

Tags: pain, hope, belief, lonliness, depression

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Comment by earthywoman of substance on November 5, 2013 at 11:01pm

Hi,

I am a RN who loves physical activity.  I lost my father 2 weeks ago.

In his transition, I learned what my father was teaching me through his life.  Thanks for this group to start my discussion. 

Comment by Lilorphann on September 21, 2012 at 7:15pm
I guess I've finally worked up the courage to post in this group. Talking about my mom's passing is still very hard for me.
On November 18, 2010, I officially sold my small business and retired, at age 40! One week later, on Thanksgiving Day, my mom passed away. It was sudden, without warning. She'd cooked a Thanksgiving feast and my hubby and sons had gone to eat lunch with her and my dad. I was home with fever and she had asked me to stay home so she wouldn't get sick. Something I will always regret doing now. After my boys left her, she apparently started feeling ill and asked my dad to take her to the hospital. But first, she insisted on fixing her hair and changing clothes. My dad found her slumped over in their bathroom, minutes later.
I'll never forget that phone call, my dad telling me o come over, that the paramedics were working on her, and he thought she was dying. I live about 5-8 miles away. That drive took forever. She died in their house. She was alive at 3 pm and gone before 6 pm, but what they assume was a pulmonary embolism.
To this day, I have such a hard time even visiting my dad at their house. I was very close to my mom, the baby of 4.
For several months after, I couldn't even leave my house. I grieved alone. I still grieve alone. Everyday...
Comment by eleganti on August 3, 2012 at 1:23am

Comment by eleganti on June 2, 2012 at 6:07pm

Having the nursing skills has given me the honor of helping family, friends, patients pass over.

Tomorrow is my father's birthday and he will be at peace and rest for 24 years August 22nd.

My father was not a happy person. So dying at age 65. After 3 months of wasted (in my opinion) chemo, he passed over.

His Oncologist stated: "Don't take all his hope away ... " So he had chemo.

Once a month. Outpatient. You could not get a reading on a thermometer for one week after chemo.

He had lung cancer with mets to his adrenal glands. They were so far gone they were necrotic.

At least the the surgeon agreed with me. In regard to no surgery.

In fact I heard him tell a member of his team. "You don't have to go back and ask him if he is going to have surgery."

"I don't ?" "Why ?" "Because his daughter is one of the best nurses at Lutheran General and she knows it will not help him."

And I hate myself that I could not stop the chemo ... That Doctor never even called my mother after my father died.

He received very poor care from him. Only in the hospital for diagnosis and once before he died.

Where the nurses thought because of what he was saying he was confused. NOT ! Poesy vest and wrist restraints.

His white blood cell count was down to 000.4 ! REALLY !

He was first getting blood transfusions a week before he died and the nurses did not watch the infusions correctly and they both clotted off, and et cetera ...

I always give/gave patient care the way I would want my mother cared for ... :) I have many, many stories.

I have been a nurse and now a nurse practitioner since 1976.

Comment by dmdifalco on June 2, 2012 at 10:06am

Eleganti; Bless you for being able to let your father go when he needed to hear that from you.  You have a beautiful heart and you did what is so difficult for others to do in giving him permission to rest.  Please continue to share with us your experiences, they are inspiring and will help others facing the same.

Comment by eleganti on June 1, 2012 at 4:49pm

I have the same belief as you do. In fact I prayed and prayed when my father was dying, that God would send his mother to take him home. At 5:00 AM in the morning he said: "Oh, Mama" ... :) He passd over at 3:15 PM after I told him it was OK to go and that I would look after my mother ... :)

 

 

Comment by dmdifalco on June 1, 2012 at 4:35pm

With all my heart I wish I had the answer as to why your mom passed when she did.  Although I knew how terribly ill my father was after suffering three strokes and having an enlarged heart...I still was not ready to let him go at the time of his death.  I think it is difficult for all of us and none of us want to say goodbye to our loved ones.  I was raised to believe that we will see our loved ones again in the after life and so for me that has brought great comfort.  So grateful to have you here with us and for the rest of the members, sorry for my absence for such a long time.  Life got in the way but will try and stop in more often.

Comment by eleganti on June 1, 2012 at 4:07pm
Ciao Tutti, (Hello to All) :)
In my profile I have written that I am very ill at this time with horrific pain.
As my mother said: When she asked me if she was really dying ... Very sick and still bargaining ...
"Times like this is when you want your mother."
So true !
I took care of my mother (as well as all my relatives) during their final illness until death.
I have been present with them when they all passed over.
To me a great honor and a great honor to know I gave them the best care possible.
However, now I am alone and yes I miss my mother very much ! So much it makes me cry.
I also have always wondered why my mother died three days before my birthday ? ? ?
We were very close. Any idea why ? Was she setting me free ?
I wish we could have had that one more birthday together.
When my father died, he died five days after her birthday.
My mother will be gone five years in July and I still ponder this question ... Any thoughts ?
Comment by dmdifalco on April 28, 2012 at 3:19pm

Like you, I am VERY content at this stage.  Ironically, when I was younger I used to think I would hate to get old-er.  I would not want to be young again especially now-a-days.  So glad I got to know you, you will be a mentor for many.  Thank you so much for sharing~

Comment by dmdifalco on April 28, 2012 at 1:16pm

slocopp; my heart goes out to you and your family and we will be praying for you all during this difficult time.  My husband recently lost his younger brother, James to glioblastoma (aggresive brain cancer) and prior to that another brother had died from liver disease.  My husband and I are not that old (in our 50's) and it seems to me  that more and more younger people are passing away.  You are so correct about the children, what a blessing for you during your difficult times.  I, too, had my girls with me after losing dad.  I also decided to go back to work after taking care of him full time.  I knew dad would want me to continue on and working made me have to get on with life.

 

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